A boy washed up somewhere else...

A boy and a girl....

August 13, 2004 ..Friday…

Wish I could erase that night..

Thinking well, no im not wish erase the day

U say…. Hi how are you my name is …. / ….

U came from nowhere saying my …. was beautiful

Yeah my ….drive , yeah u could see my thoughts

One week after the first hi

The only thing that I could think was

I wanna come home erly..

Yeah that washed boy , found a cute little innocent star

And that time I used to shine

Oh how much of my shine I borrow to you by two years

We used to understand each other to inspire each other

But suddenly u catch all my shine

And we drag ours “hi” by more 3 years

Yeah 5 years ..long …five years

Till I realize now u can shine by yourself

Now im just a opaque star

But there’s one thing u need to know

When I allowed myself to see

You re not exactly like I thought u were

Im free..im free to think

To act , to see u never really care

I thought I can have you for ever like

U used to say…

I realized I have you by “tonight”

And nothing beyond that…

All that “euphoria”

Was just inside my head , inside your hair

Was just some kind of sad joke I guess..

but the only thing I really know is …

U didn’t know exactly

What u wanted that time

Even now I guess u don’t know yet..

Maybe u deny to yourself your real desires

Maybe u know what u want, what u like and don’t have guts to admit to yourself ..look inside your soul and stop lying to

Yourself… Stop pretending …find guts, be a man at least one time in your life…

Try really hard understand your soul and try be happy

Stop pretending cause I know ..u know u’re miserable.

U know u can reach all that things u secretly wish

But u know these things are not enough…

Cause u give up of yourself

U give up of love

Of happiness…stop deny what u feel.

Do a favor to yourself and for all that ppl around you…

Try to be happy …really happy

And stop pretending, cause when u do this ppl get hurt

And I honestly hope there’s no others beside me.

I know that I said that time , hey was the last time u will listen a word for me… anyway I doubt that u will read that

U re too busy for me now, anyway im saying… after fiver years talking to u I guess I have this right…right????

Anyway doesn’t matter what I think? Or it matters DEAR BELOVED FRIEND????

Hahahahaha no..doesn’t matter..

If matters u’d probably show some respect

But im not seeing this in the last..hum let me think…

Two years…

Now this little opaque star ..blows away..died

And a new fucking big bright star born…

And yeah when a star born she lost her past memories…

What means…we are done..

Well I even dunno if one day we were here for each other..

For sure I was but u don’t..

Anyway..now im not hurt anymore..

Yeah my hearth its healed now..

Please try to be happy ok???

Do what u need to do..

Stop pretend to yourself

It’s the worse lye in the world…

And my wish for you . . . . /. . . . is:

ALL THE LOVE FOR YOU ..ALL THE BEST ;)

And to celebrate the end of this blindness

i 'll put here the song i sang for you, cause now i can listen this song without hurt my soul...

rainin thursday...

Hi , its Thursday and its raining ..not a new ...

here its looking like the Malaysia..actually i think its rainin here more than

in Malaysia

I'm thinkin abt translate some of my poems

yesterday i did this with Fátima an old poem i wrote

abt drugs haha the funniest is i am a drug free person lol

funny how i can translate the feeling of one addicted person..

u know someone told me abt.

Guess the next poem i will translate is a long poem

called

"world poverty" but its not really abt what u re thinking, well kinda is..but not all abt this

i wrote in portuguese , so i will write in english and put the original video i did in portuguese disclaiming it...

Sorry if u find some language mistake here , i just learned english by my own. so feel free to tell me and i make corrections.Thank you...

I always say a song to u listen/see so the song of today is:

There you are with your perfect way
You've got that little shine in your eyes
To hear one word would make my day
But there's no room for me in your life

Oh! You've got me down on my knees
Oh! In my mind I can see
How perfect everything could be
But you won't give us a try

[chorus]
But if I could change your mind
How would you want me
Would you say you need me
Cause I need you now

I try to move on but your perfect way
Has got this little chind asking why
But this world keep sppining
As my heart stop beating
Is there still no room inside

Oh! You've got me down on my knees
Oh! In my mind I can see
How perfect everything could be
But you won't give us a try

[chorus]
But if I could change your mind
How would you want me
Would you say you need me
Cause I need you now

If I could change your mind
(please tell me, I'm not the only one)
(please help me believe, I'm not the only one)
If I could change your mind

But if I could change your mind
How would you want me
Would you say you need me
Cause I need you now

But if I could change your mind
How would you hold me
Would you stay forever
Or just leave me here to drown

If I could change your mind
(change your mind)
If I could change your mind
(change your mind)

Fátima = Zeus

Fatima = Zeus


Under cold and wet fog I struck my bitter and doubtful steps
Nose and cold feet, soft body almost kissing the asphalt.

The mouth asleep, burned and drugged biting the tongue, the blood flowing throbbing begging for more.

More, more than anything, the despair is real and inevitable.


The lack air, lungs hurt, my head spin spin spin and weights, pain ,despair, fatigue and the need is latent.


Veins bounce, seem to drop from within the muscles, it seems that tug, muscles at the same time contract and stretch, a movement so fast and uncontrollable that it feels like a thousand needles going in and out of your body simultaneously.

Cramps, chills are details compared the feeling of death, the constant danger and imminent persecution.

Contempt for life increases considerably. The voice of your conscience becomes absent, you suffer wildly ,resist sluggishly and again ... and again surrender easily.

Yeah Fátima is pretty convincing.

fátima its a brazilian nick name for cocaine...

Click here to learn abt the bad effects of drugs

Ephiphany ....

Sometimes is really hard recognized our emotions,
I was pretty good at doing this
But im not that good anymore…

I just can’t understand how someone
Can purposely hurt another person ???
Maybe the world change and im
Stuck in last century or maybe everything
Is normal now.

Maybe im to old to follow this new
Way of think , feel , act
Maybe I should stop trying understand
???? yeah maybe…like Cassidy say in his song..
Well maybe, this could be
The catalyst for my big ephiphany
Yeah the only difference is my catalyst
Was bad.. anyway no matter
The important its just the
Ephiphany in the end
…and…I m thinking here
Worst than get hurt its hurt yourself
And im sorry but this is not the game I like
To play ..

About the song i mentioned ..its here the name of artist

is cassidyhaley his twitter account is http://twitter.com/cassidyhaley

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Second chapter -The stranger

Chapter 2

The stranger

I noticed that the stranger saw me, I hid behind the bush and ran away
Sulfor screamed for me and I could not look more, ran as fast as I could through
The low luviatyn trees, full of flowers and fruit, crossed the creek and the bridge of logs below the water fall , finally met Sulfor in front of the cave, where he stored the branches that fall from trees and we use to the heat us and cook, Sulfor, was old with

great white tinians “hair”, was the elder of the tribe Tiliabha, Sulfor was responsible for my birth, I was born eighteen summers ago, Sulfor said I came

at the time of the goddess Prisliva ritual, the goddess of the sea, one that gives the fish

the food, when he and his tribe had done the ritual on the night of full moon
Far sighted crispa “fire”in the sea, thought it was a sign of the goddess because there was no way to be “crispa” at sea in the next morning several pieces of trees
Were found on the beach, some odd things that once he discovered how they could be opened “trunks” and there at the end of the beach where the current had reached first ,Tarderia the elder of the tribe, he saw a female dressed in weird clothes, clear rounds and designed with various flowers in their clothes, she was very hurt to have hit the rocks and was disaccord Sulfor, said to Tarderia and all of the tribe that she was sent by the goddess and led them to the center of the forest where we live and noticed that she was with a big belly Sulfor and Tarderia care of the woman he prepared extracts and finally she awake , but she was so weak hes arm was bent, probably broken and when she saw Tarderia , and she Exchanged a tenderness look with her and put hands in her belly .tarderia knew what this mean she was having a baby like all females, two hours passed before I was born and she go with the great spirits of the sea. Sulfor believed I was a gift send by Godess Prislivi

He believe I was sent with the power of change scarcity of fish in the sea and the fruits.

because the Laschivia trees “moon” gave only a sour fruit that nobody could eat.She said just one word “Laura” and touch her heart. Sulfor believed to be the means by which people to call her Laura.

_Where You been? Asked Sulfor upset by my delay.
_I was at The cliff. Sulfor there are strange things happening on the beach
I saw some beings like us and a large basket with white wings, and the beings are at the beach.

Sulfor changed his carefree look for a look that I had never seen before even in the most extensive drought we had.

Sulfor took a stick and asked me to draw down what I had seen, and when I drew a basket “ship” he went in our tent opened a trunk and showed me a picture in a book that was stored there since Laura came and I saw clearly the basket, similar to what I saw, I kept describing the clothes of people Sulfor call Tarderia and told her what’s happening .Tarderia took their hands to heaven and said they had returned, they found the reincarnated and way back.

So I understood what was happening when Laura died Sulfor put her body to burn in a pyre after a full day of rites of passage,after this Sulfor find four bodies on the beach and a few more boxes that came on the right side of island, one where the current is weaker, Sulfor ordered their souls and burned in the pyre too, so Sulfor gave me the name of Abitchala –Gift of the unknown.

"i wrote this in portuguese first , so if u see some language mistake please feel free to tell me , and i make corrections".

chapter one ABITCHALA

Abitchala- english version

Chapter one

Unknow

I ran the fields, without understanding what I was seeing

I was so close to the cliff when it approached the sea billowy

what was a very dark color such as the big trees of the forest fund

those that are not fruits of God luviatyn "sun", had something like great white wings

And the wind blow that wings so weird and get up there, I looked through my shell

trying to understand what that was. On top of that big thing There were six beings like me

I call that thing of muri-ante "large basket"

_Captain ... land up ahead!

_ Turn To starboard!

Was up this command that the ship was carried to the coast of that island no maps in our map we can save us from an impending disaster due to a major storm in the ocean.

The beach was a sand almost white, thin with some pebbles as white as the clouds and as bright as diamonds, walked with ease by those sands, without even imagining that there arise the greatest change that could occur in my life.

For a brief moment I felt the wind beating on my face, I felt my nostrils being flooded by a huge range of new odors. Under a kind of fine sand vegetation with small flowers of a deep pink, which Israel tried to skip the ship to see the place in search of answers to questions that he had not even asked yet, but now that buzzes in my head, which is this place?

here was this magnificent island destination for the work to save us? was not my destiny die at sea? The questions were becoming increasingly clear, while more complex and in my search for small signs that I really do not know how identify , I found in the sand something like a bracelet made with small seeds, likely that island of trees in particular did not even know them and our botanist Janis, who was for sure a keeper of an extraordinary knowledge.

Amid the talk and speculation about the island be or not be inhabited and some frightened sailors on the possible existence of the wild beasts, a sound echoed by the island from the side we were, it seemed likely at the other end of the cliff, I rush to get my binoculars, looking every part of the cliff, which was not my surprise to see the presence of a native who just hid it behind a bush, then ran into the dense forest on top of the cliff.

The image left me curious, afraid, and thoughtful, that sound that echoed from cliff
Was clearly the voice of a human being screaming words that I never heard and that this could even understand the meaning at first, but I keep in my mind with a undeniable clarity .Abitchala.

Abitchala what this mean? Only time could give me the answer.

"i wrote this in portuguese first , so if u see some language mistake please feel free to tell me , and i make corrections".

That was love?

that was love?

no.wasn't .
Love doesn't hurt
Love doesn't punish
Love doesn't lie
Love doesn't restrict
Love doesn't disdain
Love doesn't refuse and
Love doesn't run away .

Love heals, forgive and bring us to reality.
Love bold us , make us closer, love accept love care
Most of all love make us stay closer. closer mind, heart body and soul.
How the soul will feel gratification if the man does not learn to love?
If not learn to surrender , if not learn to the experience of love
If not learn to fell burning passion.
Love can hurt, but this pain is pleasurable
a pain that you feel in the soul,
everyone should feel this.

If you know the real meaning of love
If you know how noble Love is
You'll understand with this feeling we can't act in a
despicable way

Love is not just being together
And share good times. Love is just the opposite
Love is being together with someone to help add good times
Love is also being together with someone to help share the bad
Times and reduce the intensity of these bad moments


Love is give the best of us
Subtract the other their defects
Add capacity and share the defects

This is balance of love
when you give love you receive it back

Then I tell you
In all my unconventional way to be
and show the things

I LOVED YOU

(i wrote this in portuguese after i translate , so if u find some language mistake please feel free to tell me ok?)

i like to put some music with my words hope you enjoy

first post

just for test...